if my husband doesnt tear up when im walking down the aisle im turning the fuck around
my husband definitely will because he’s gonna have to put up with me for the rest of his life and that’s enough to make anybody cry
I was at the mall today and overheard this dude talking to two lesbian chicks. I hear him ask, “So which one of you is the guy in your relationship?” And the one girl looks into her pants and says, “It’s not me. How bout you? Are you hiding a dick in there?” Then her girlfriend looks in her pants and says, “Nope, I’m not.” Then the first chick looks at the dude and says, “Hmmm, guess that’s why we are lesbians.” And then I lost my shit.
“beauty sleep” is such bullshit I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan
sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star